The problem with online gay dating

Queer men of color have fewer options in online dating than queer white men. Data suggests these stories are not uncommon or unique. Based on data published by OkTrends , a blog produced by OkCupid, white gay men respond more often to OkCupid messages from other white men than from men of color.

White gay men also respond less frequently to messages in general than gay men of color. On OkCupid white gay men respond to messages from all races at an average rate of Ironically, even though white gay men respond to messages in general less frequently than gay men of color they fail to attract the highest rate of responses to the messages they send.

App Weaponized

Middle Eastern gay men, on average, will receive about 48 responses for every messages they send, while white gay men will receive an average of By contrast, Black gay men will receive about Cars are routinely recalled for assorted mishaps, as are zillions of other convenience items. But does software have the same responsibility?

As far as anyone can tell, maybe not. If code is a form of speech, it might garner a higher bar in the liability legal sphere, making it harder to claim negligence. But what if Herrick was murdered, for example, and otherwise might not have been had Grindr taken action? The initial suit was thrown out, but an appellate court is considering the matter anew.

A federal law from effectively protects online providers from third party activity in that they more or less cannot be held liable for what people do on their platform. But the Herrick case is one of arguing Grindr is a defective product altogether, at its root, and that it should be held accountable as such.

If someone reaches out to speak to me, I ask them what they are looking for because I am amenable. I am happy to have fun, meet new friends or go on dates in the hopes that it turns into a relationship.

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If not, then why go on a date in the first place? There are an endless amounts of ways for gay men to get their dick sucked in large metropolitan areas: This seems a pretty fair assessment to me.

Why Do Gay Men Make Dating So Hard For Themselves?

You may end up being pleasantly surprised by what you find. This excuse for not meeting again is the oldest and lamest of them all. We are all busy at work, and honestly, I would expect nothing less from the person I am dating. I love a man with drive.

Again, I am calling bullshit on this excuse. We all have jobs and lives: If you are not in a position to date someone right now, you should not be going on dates.

Unless you plan to date a newborn baby, we all have baggage. We all have pasts and sometimes the things that have happened to us in the past can be very traumatic. I have found that most strong-willed people can take that baggage and turn it into a positive, therefore making themselves a better person in the process.

We all have exes. We all have problems with our jobs or strive for something better. Like I said, we are all in different places and some of our baggage is heavier than others.

Why Do Gay Men Make Dating So Hard For Themselves? | HuffPost

But asking questions and being honest usually does the trick. It is not, however an acceptable excuse to not see someone again. Because if you are going on an initial date: Here is my favorite of the bullshit excuses for not getting together with someone again. If someone approaches me, I ask what they are looking for and take it from there.

2. Should You Call After a First Date or Leave Him Wondering?

It happens. For example, a grown ass man recently took me out on a date and told me via text and in person multiple times that he was looking for that someone special. Upon being called out, he proceeded to block me on all forms of social media. My biggest pet peeve in life especially in our current political climate is having someone say something to me and then pretend it never happened.


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There are boundless ways for us to communicate, which should make it very simple for these misunderstandings to never happen in the first place. The only person this really hurts in the long run is the person who does the ghosting. I understand that we are attached to our devices at all times nowadays and correspondence can oftentimes seem meaningless. However, there are actual real-life people on the other end of those screens and those people have these pesky little things called: When you continuously disappear to get out of telling someone you are not interested or out of any problem in life for that matter, you are not actually dealing with anything at all.


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